As of right now I am working full-time. It has been a blessing for my husband and I, as God has given me the opportunity to help us get out of debt. I mentioned in previous posts that my husband and I have recently been convicted that we need to get out of debt and stay out of it. Sadly, my college education did not come cheap and I took out loans to pay for it.
Blessing though it is, working full-time makes is very difficult to get a lot of other things done. Yesterday evening I was feeling a bit overwhelmed as I looked around our apartment. I am behind on the laundry, there's dishes to be done, the floors are in desperate need of a vacuum and mop, the bathroom needs a good scrubbing, and I have a small mountain growing in the corner of our bedroom of things I have not had time to figure out where to put. How overwhelming!
I did some of the work last night but it seems like I can never get ahead. My husband is wonderful and helps me when he can, but I can't help but feel like a bit of a failure sometimes. After all, this is my home and I am not keeping it very well at the moment. My job takes up a lot of time and when I get home, I have only a few precious hours to eat, spend time with my husband, go to the gym, and get housework done.
This just makes me wonder how woman can be working mothers. I know that it is a position that many woman are unfortunately pushed into, but I am in awe of the entire practice when I think of how much there is to get done now, when I have no children. What if I only had a precious hour or two every evening to get a whole day worth of love and teaching into my children? What if I had a child to care for on top of my home which is already suffering from neglect due to my job? If I feel like a bit of a failure at how my home is suffering from neglect, how much worse would I feel if my own children suffered from that same neglect? That's not even counting the time I need to put into my marriage! There just isn't enough time or enough me to go around!
I'm a bit frazzled right now as I slowly work to get things done around here. Luckily, I can see a sunny future on the horizon, when I will have children and be able to spend my days raising them and taking care of my home. I know my home will probably never be immaculate, especially after I have children, but how nice it will be to know my priorities are in the right place.