I have defined myself in many ways in the past, but there has always been one constant: I have always been a "future mother". I love children. I point them out wherever I go, often beg to babysit friends' children so I can spend time with little ones, and love my role as Auntie.
But what if....what if I cannot have children of my own?
I have never even thought of that as a possibility before. All the women in my family are very fertile, and none of them have had issues getting pregnant. But what if I am the exception? What if the Lord never blesses me with a pregnancy and a baby?
I know many women who have had this issue, some of them going in to get IVF treatments and the like. I told my husband from the beginning: If I cannot get pregnant naturally, I will not jab myself with needles or take pills to do it. Let's let God decide.
Now I am newly married and the time for motherhood is here. I am so excited to become a mother someday, hopefully soon, but my mind keeps going there: what if....? Every woman assumes it will not be difficult for them to get pregnant, but then for many, it ends up being just that. What if I am one of those women?
It often seems that the women who want babies most cannot have them biologically. Maybe that is God's way of finding families for unwanted babies? Some women are only capable of loving their biological children, but maybe the women who love babies the most will be able to love babies with all their heart whether they carried them or not.
I pray that I never have to experience the heartache of realizing I cannot get pregnant naturally, and my heart breaks for women for whom that is the reality. We will just have to wait and see if I am one of those...