Wednesday, November 2, 2011

What if.... Dare I say it?

I have defined myself in many ways in the past, but there has always been one constant: I have always been a "future mother". I love children. I point them out wherever I go, often beg to babysit friends' children so I can spend time with little ones, and love my role as Auntie.

But what if....what if I cannot have children of my own?

I have never even thought of that as a possibility before. All the women in my family are very fertile, and none of them have had issues getting pregnant. But what if I am the exception? What if the Lord never blesses me with a pregnancy and a baby?

I know many women who have had this issue, some of them going in to get IVF treatments and the like. I told my husband from the beginning: If I cannot get pregnant naturally, I will not jab myself with needles or take pills to do it. Let's let God decide.

Now I am newly married and the time for motherhood is here. I am so excited to become a mother someday, hopefully soon, but my mind keeps going there: what if....? Every woman assumes it will not be difficult for them to get pregnant, but then for many, it ends up being just that. What if I am one of those women?

It often seems that the women who want babies most cannot have them biologically. Maybe that is God's way of finding families for unwanted babies? Some women are only capable of loving their biological children, but maybe the women who love babies the most will be able to love babies with all their heart whether they carried them or not.

I pray that I never have to experience the heartache of realizing I cannot get pregnant naturally, and my heart breaks for women for whom that is the reality. We will just have to wait and see if I am one of those...


  1. I am so similar - have always wanted to be a mom, love being around kids, am not up at all for doing IVF or other procedures if I can't have kids naturally....BUT neither of my brothers and their wives have been able to have biological children thus far. It's a scary thought because it is something I have longed for for so long - thankfully we live in a world of many alternatives! My family has been blessed abundantly through adoption and I'm sure God will provide in your situation regardless of whatever situations might come your way :)

  2. Oh wow - this is such a beautiful post Amy! I really feel like I could have written it. :) I am not married or courting in this season, and probably won't be for a while, but the motherhood dream is still well and alive. I have been diagnosed with a condition often closely linked with infertility, but I try not to let it get me down. I am privileged to be the eldest of 10 children - I nanny for 5 other children (including 18mth triplets!) and I am a teacher. There are so many beautiful children I get to love on and bless, that as much as I desperately would love my own, there are plenty others of God's beautiful children on this earth that need me to show them His love.
    Blessings! Rachael


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