Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Waiting on a heartbeat

I have done so well these last few weeks getting excited about the baby and trying not to worry. I tell myself daily that statistically my baby will be fine and I will be able to hold him/her in 7 months. And slowly all this pep-talking has helped, as I have been able to get excited and begin planning for the future.

Yesterday my husband I went to have our first ultrasound to see our baby. I wanted to see that little heartbeat and reassure myself that all is as it should be. Statistically (when did I become a statistics nut?), the miscarriage risk falls to only 3% after a heartbeat is detected. So yesterday I was all ready to be reassured only to end up the complete opposite.

We were able to see the little black blob that was the amniotic sack, but there was only the tiniest, barely perceptible flicker that maybe-kinda was, but probably wasn't, a heartbeat. The doctor (we will be using a midwife, but a doctor was the one to give us the ultrasound) told us that either our baby is younger than we think it is (probably not the case seeing as I ovulate earlier than most women), or the pregnancy is not viable and will end in miscarriage. We will be going back next week to see which of these options is reality. 

So needless to say, yesterday was not a very good day for me. My husband prayed for us in the car on the drive home, and I quoted Job to myself all day, reminding myself that God is the one who gives and takes, and his name is to be blessed no matter what. But all those fears I had been pep-talking away for the last few weeks came roaring right back. It is so difficult to remain excited when the situation looks like it might end up in pain.

One thing I know is that fear often gives Satan an opportunity to step in-between us and God. I know that in times like this it is even more important to stick close to God, pray and meditate on him more, and spend time in the Bible. When I was a homesick exchange student several years ago, I learned that the only way to avoid throwing myself a pity party is to keep busy. So I am cleaning my house today, and spending time organizing. I also listen to Moody Radio most of the day. This radio station has such great, Christ-centered, encouraging broadcasts. I am a big fan of this radio station, but unfortunately it is not broadcasted where I live. So I often listen to it on my laptop and proceed to carry it around the house with me while I clean.

What are some of the ways you keep your mind off your fears and on the Lord?


11 comments:

  1. I will be praying for your sweet little baby, Amy! Your attitude in this situation is inspiring.

    xoxo Miss ALK
    http://missalk1994.blogspot.com

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  2. Praying for you and your baby.

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  3. I am praying for you Amy, that God would bless you and comfort you, and give you peace right now.

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  4. Oh Amy! I will be praying for you extra this week! I do the same thing when I am facing a fear - keep busy, pray, and do something that keeps me reminded of God's power (usually listening to worship music). Maybe this is God giving you the opportunity to prepare yourself for some difficult news, or maybe it is his voice calling you to really lean on him throughout this pregnancy.

    "But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him." - Jeremiah 17:7

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  5. Praying for you and your husband and that the Lord will give you peace and patience as you wait and hope for a little blessing to hold in your arms.

    (I don't know you but I found your blog and love reading it and like the things you write about)

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  6. This post made me want to cry, but blessed me by the reminder that our heavenly Father is always on the throne. I am dealing with a similar situation, and I like the pull out my favorite worship cd and just sing and allow myself to just worship Him until I feel as though I can cry out all my fears and lay them at His feet.

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  7. did my comment not post? I don't want to rewrite it all if it did.... I will give it hour or two....

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    1. I posted all the ones I got, so if you posted one I didn't get it:(

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    2. my computer froze when it was going through. I was just saying that I AM praying for you and baby! and one way that I keep my mind devoted to the Lord is by reminding myself of this quote, "the unthankful heart is the soil of apostasy." gives me shivers. but I think it is true. I must remember what the Lord has done for me and be constantly mindful of my indebtedness to him. because if I am not I just may end up throwing away my hope. let us know how today goes, dear!

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I love to fellowship with others and hear what they have to say. I would ask, however, that you be mindful of what you write and try to be uplifting and respectful. Thank you for sharing!