God,
You have made me one of the luckiest women in the world. I
live in a beautiful home, I am married to a wonderful man, I have money in my bank
account, food in my kitchen, no health problems, and an amazing family. I’ve hit the jackpot in life and I have you
to thank for that.
Not only that, when I was lost and turned away from you, you
found me and turned me back. Thank you thank you thank you! I almost feel like
I shouldn’t ask for more because you’ve already given me everything I could
ever seek and more, including the opportunity to wash myself clean of the guilt
of sin and live eternally in your presence.
But Lord, I would be cheating my relationship with you if I
didn’t come to you with this desire I have. I know you already know my heart,
and I’ve mentioned this desire to you before. You built me to be a woman, to
nourish life and raise children. You gave me this love for children since I
myself was one, and for the past few years my body has been whispering to me “it’s
time, it’s time” every time I see a baby.
Now you’ve given me my soul mate marriage, but you have so far not seen fit to give me a baby.
I will admit, it sometimes feels unfair, and my pity parties
are something I am sure you are not too happy about. Lord, perhaps you are
trying to teach me something? To be content in you and what I have before I
become a mother? Maybe Lord, it is not your plan for me to give birth to
children.
You’ve given me everything and yet I still urge for you to
give me a child. I cannot think of anything better than raising a child, showing
him/her your ways, and teaching him/her to follow you all their life. I cannot
imagine anything better than presenting my child to you in heaven someday.
Lord, you’ve shown us in the Bible that you are the makers
of the heavens and the Earth. You are the one who opens and closes wombs, you
are the one who impregnated Mary with Jesus, who died to rectify all your
children with you. Lord, you are mighty and have shown over and over again that
you are in control. If you willed it, I could get pregnant. If you willed it, I
could raise dozens of babies to follow you.
But Lord, you have also said that your ways are not my ways,
that your thoughts are not my thoughts. But Lord, please, make me a mother.
Give me a child to raise into your ways. Please, Lord.
But Lord, if that is not your will, please help me to accept
your decision. Please help me to accept your will for my life, whatever it may
be. And however it happens, I pray you will put my urge to nourish to good use,
and that you will be there to comfort me through this journey.
Thank you Lord for being my Father, for loving me and
knowing what is best for me.
Amen
Amy, I know that this time in your life is difficult. I have an wonderful aunt and uncle who struggled with not being able to get pregnant for many years. They finally made peace with what they thought God's will was in their life (just being a great aunt and uncle). In God's timing though, they adopted a child from Ukraine; they weren't even looking to adopt, they were on a mission trip, but God had other plans for them. I can't say what the Lord has in store for you and your husband, but I can tell you to continue to trust God and wait for His timing. God is always on time! And know that you and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteAmy you are in my thoughts and prayers. My sister-in-law just went through the same thing and after many years God is blessing her and my brother with a baby in the New Year. We may not understand his timing or reasoning, but he is the perfect author of our lives and I'm sure has incredible plans for forming your family! Don't lose hope!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Julianne