I love reading. In fact, I love reading so much that I sometimes need to limit myself or I'll devour 5 books per week. When times are stressful, there is just nothing better to me than curling up somewhere with a book. And now that I've realized my library has free Kindle loans, I don't even have to leave the house to find something good to read.
I had to go on a business trip a few weeks ago and decided that a book on tape would be the best way to pass the time in the car (nearly 8 hours that day). So I found a book recorded onto cds at the library and brought it along.
I really ended up loving the book, as it had a Jane Austen feel to it and the author also seemed to be a Christian. I was a bit surprised, as throughout the book there were subtle mentions of drawing close to God and asking his forgiveness for our sins.
In the book there is an old woman who describes her life like a ball of yarn. She took the yarn, and holding one end of it, threw it down a hill so it unraveled. There were a few knots here and there, but the ball unraveled mostly in a long string. And she said "This string is like our life. Don't get frozen in the knot-like mistakes that you've made along the way. God will forgive you anything; it is forgiving yourself that is often the hardest."
And isn't that just so true? I often find that I still judge myself for mistakes I made years ago, and the guilt can sometimes eat at me. I know that I don't need to live in guilt, as I have already asked forgiveness for the sins, and I know I can trust in God's forgiveness. But it seems that sometimes I just wish I could erase some of my memories, because they come back to haunt me sometimes.
It was interesting that it took this simple little book to explain something to me that I don't think I quite grasped before. I need to stop looking at who I was and start looking at who I am. I know that the woman I am today would never make some of the mistakes I've made in the past. And I know that I have grown to be a more selfless, conscious person. I need to allow my current self to speak for herself.
Yes it is good to acknowledge past wrongs and try to make amends with people, but it is just so true that we need to judge ourselves through God's eyes more than the eyes of others, who often only see our past flaws.
I was so touched by this message of hope, as I know that many people look at Christian women and want to see us as paragons of morality and femininity. However, I know that deep down I have some great and deep flaws, and I have made some very bad mistakes in my life. But I like to think that every day I grow a little bit more into the woman God wants me to be.
If you are interested in reading the book I read, it is called The Girl in the Gate House by Julie Klassen. You can find it at Christianbook.com HERE.