Friday, November 30, 2012

Getting Away from Slander in Order to Love our Husbands

I have mentioned before how sad I think it is that many women are so quick to criticize their husbands, especially to others. Don't get me wrong, I know some men do the same about the wives, but I feel like our culture has done a 180, where it has become not only ok but expected to bash, blame, criticize and maim our husbands publicly.

Think about the last time you sat down with a female friend and heard her gushing about how wonderful her husband is, or how helpful he has been, or relayed any other positive attribute about him. You might be hard pressed to remember one, but I can almost guarantee many of you have examples of husband bashing from those same friends.

It's not just people we know who are at fault; it is our culture. Songs talking about women doing it all themselves because men are useless. TV shows where the husband is a bumbling idiot who only thinks of himself (and of course the wife is the wise, self-sacrificing, voice of reason). It all makes my skin crawl.

Not only has it become normal to bash husbands, it has become almost expected that another woman will not only accept such bashing, but sympathize with the wife and offer her own husband bashing examples to make her feel better.

Is that the way that God built marriage? NO! Of course not. We are to build up the men in our lives, and especially in public. When we have issues in our marriages, we are to go to our husbands and speak with them privately and humbly in order to resolve the issue and not allow bitterness to fester. We are to support, love, and show loyalty. To me, slander is the same as disloyalty.

Not only should we not be slandering our husbands, we shouldn't accept it from women around us. I know, it is so difficult to be "that woman" who appears happy in her marriage and refuses to listen to slander from her friends. But that is just who the Bible tells us we should be:

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman” (Proverbs 21:19)

Leviticus 19:16 You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people

Read more:

God tells us to avoid women who would go around in anger, slandering others. 

 Proverbs 20:19 says "Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler."

Believe me, I am not perfect at this. I have found myself sucked into slander and gossip. But I have found a few friends who truly value their men just as much as I value mine, and I find that the more time I spend in their company, the better I am as a wife. It has been difficult but I have had to delicately ask a few women in my life to stop talking badly about their husbands in front of me. It is tough, because women tend to bond over such talk, but I know I am doing the right thing by separating myself from such activity. 

Here are a few resources for you all to take a look at on this topic. 

-A t-shirt from Unveiled Wife which is very pretty and says "I love my husband". 500 people need to order the shirt by mid-December for it to be printed. So when you order one you are essentially reserving one should they be printed. I ordered mine and look forward to adding it to my wardrobe. Order yours HERE
Proverbs 20:19 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

Read more:

-I find Nancy Leigh Demoss's website, True Womanhood, to be so encouraging. Take a look at this page about the biblical portrait of womanhood. Print it out and read through it weekly to remind yourself who God wants you to be. It isn't a sprint, but each day we can ask God to help us move a little further in the right direction.

-Read this wonderful post from Time-Warp Wife on what men crave the most: Respect. This is a concept I learned in my pre-marital counseling, and I have found it to be life changing and SO important in marriage.

-And my favorite resource: a letter posted on Time-Warp Wife entitled "why I love you, but can't hang out with you". It is a great example of the types of words we should have on our tongues when we have these difficult discussions with friends.  


  1. What great wisdom in this post! I do my best not to talk badly about my husband, but I don't always succeed. It does drive me crazy how women tend to bond over man bashing though.


  2. My best friend and I are not married, but to avoid boyfriend/guy bashing, we will sometimes vent a persistant problem, and the other will offer advice. Like my boyfriend is forgetting to ask his mom if he has plans the day we were both invited to see a wedding. I was getting frustrated and distressed with feeling like I needed to practically drag him to her and hand him prompt cards to get it done. She reminded me it's not because he doesn't love me/is trying to find a way out/etc, he is just really busy and other things are most likely on his mind. In this way I can keep perspective and not accidently strangle him for thoughtless behaviors.


I love to fellowship with others and hear what they have to say. I would ask, however, that you be mindful of what you write and try to be uplifting and respectful. Thank you for sharing!