Victoria is going through a sleep regression right now. I knew it was coming, as she has stuck true to the Wonder Weeks schedule with her "fussy periods" (By the way, I LOVE the wonder weeks phone app! It is adjusted to your baby's gestational age and helps you know when growth spurts are coming and what new developments you might be seeing. It has been spot on with Victoria and two of my friends' babies). But still, I had hoped she would miraculously skip this fussy time.
Alas, it is not to be.
My sweet baby who has been able to put herself to sleep in her crib for some time now has decided that she must be held. All. Night. Long.
So when I try to get her in her crib we have a massive meltdown of epic proportions. One thing about my little girl, she is a marathoner at heart! She is so tenacious that she would probably cry for a week straight if I ever tried to let her "Cry it out".
My husband has gone out of town on a trip with my brothers, which I am so excited about, as I love that he has a good relationship with my family. But that means I am alone with a baby who won't let me put her down to sleep.
The result was that it took 5 hours to get her to sleep in her crib last night. Yes, you read that right. 5 hours. She would fall asleep in my arms, and wake the second I tried to put her down. And with her crazy rolling/almost crawling/I-want-to-touch-everything ways right now, sleeping with her wasn't happening either.
So I am tired today. Motherhood is sometimes quite exhausting. That is tough for someone like me who has always been a "sleeper". My friends used to tease me about my need for 12 hours of sleep every night when I was a teen. I always wondered if the lack of sleep would be bearable when I became a mother, as sleep deprivation has always been my idea of torture.
I can say that while motherhood is exhausting, it is an entirely new type of exhausting. It is almost a joyful type of exhaustion.
Because I know this sleep regression is just as hard on Victoria as it is on me. Something in her is telling her she needs to be held right now, and, as I know this is just a phase, I am happy to hold her. She needs her mama right now, and it is so wonderful to know that I am the one that this little person wants and needs.
I sometimes think about the amazing relationship I have with my mother, and the bond that I have with her. A mother is, perhaps, the most influential person in your life. I know this as I watch my own mom go through the loss of her mother (my grandma). And then I realize that I am that person to Victoria, and that is just such a huge thing.
So yes, I am exhausted. There may have been a 10 minute interval last night when I put the baby in her crib and walked out of her room to regroup. And I may have even contemplated just going to sleep (I mean, she can't really cry forever, can she?). Today I am sitting in my pajamas still. My kitchen is a mess. I haven't exercised. And I am pretty much just surviving at this moment. But it is a joyful survival. I did regroup and get my baby to sleep last night. I did get to sleep myself as well. I even got Victoria down for her morning nap (hence the blog writing!).
It is definitely true that nothing is as bad in the light of day.